My next project

 I do not know what I'll do with it when it is finished, but I love the funky rooster and thought it would be fun to paint ! 

I am who I am !

So many times people look at me like I have a screw loose. Well maybe to them I do. But I refuse to change who I am to please other people. I tell jokes, I laugh (alot) I try to make others laugh. I am not fake , I am honest and if I think you are an asshole Ill tell you. I do not hold back. Yes there are times when I cuss like a sailor and may shock and even offend others, but hey you don't like it , then don't listen just move on then.

The older I get the more vocal I have become. But I am also a giving person, maybe sometimes I do too much. But I do try and see good things in people and I show kindness to others. Not because I want phrase, it is because I genuinely care. I have a good heart that has been stomped on many a time, but it is still strong and still a caring one. I can tell when people need help.

Last week I was driving on the way home from the Chiropractor,  I noticed a young man, I would say he was in his 30's , young 30's.  It was obvious that he was homeless, he had on very tattered clothes,  all of his belongings were in a worn out bag hanging off his shoulder. He was not bothering anyone , he was not looking for handouts, he was just walking very slowly.

I could tell by the way he was moving  that he was weak . There was something inside of me telling me that I needed to make him see that he was not alone, I parked my car, he was quite abit ahead of me. I called out to him, you could tell that he felt the stress of maybe yet one more person telling him that he was a nuisance or that he was tresspassing or whatever. It was obivious that he was weary and worn out. You could see his shoulders slump when I called out to him one more time.
He stopped and  slowly turned around. He had a look of sadness that tore my heart out. He was not drunk, high or intimidating. He was cold tired and obviously hungry. I handed him $20.00 and he looked at me and said "Why"?  I told him,  "that I thought he could use a little help". He looked as if he was going to break down and cry, he said thank you in ever so softly and still in  obvious shock and I could see he wanted to cry. I told him to take care and pay it forward someday and I  turned and walked away.

I noticed that he too had turned around and was headed in the opposite direction that he was orignally going. He headed towards the food place, still walking slowly in weakness.

I got home and a few minutes later my husband came home from work. I was crying as I told him about the encounter with this young man. He told me that when he was coming home he seen a young homeless man walking slowly down the street carrying a pizza and eating a big slice . He described him to a T and that it was the same man that I had helped. I was thrilled that I did the right thing and that man took that money and bought the food that I knew he so desperately longed for. Others may say that I am crazy for doing what I did that day, but something came over me the minute I saw him walking, I dont know if it was my Mom sending me a signal from up above ( she would buy sandwiches and give them to homeless people) or what it was, but I needed to do what I did that day.

So, if anyone does not like me for who I am and what I say and do, you can kiss my ass...

 I am not my usual happy, sarcastic, smartass, witty , charming, amazing, the life of the party self. I am trying to find me, but my idenity has been stolen by this fibromyalgia. It is sucking the life blood from me. I find that it has even taken away my sense of humor. I think losing my sense of humor is more devastating to me then the severe pains that run through my body 24/7. I truly hope that I can get back to who I am.
I do not want to have to resort to wearing bright colors, a red nose and over sized shoes to make people smile.  I fucking hate clowns, unless you are a natural born one like myself  !